Childhood Friends

Credits: http://noliesradio.org

           

           I remember when I was a kid, I had an argument with my cousins regarding the moon. Well actually the argument started in a simple sight seeing, While we are playing we noticed that the moon had risen already, even though it's not yet twilight that time. Well, we were talking on how the moon is following us that time, and somehow the little discussion had turned into an argument when me and one of my cousins had become a little hard headed claiming that we are the only one being followed by the moon. And how the story ended, of course it ended in a silly fight and tears since we didn't gave up till the end, lol.  Well, that's just one of the story of my silly childhood days, fighting over silly things and then will be friends once again.

            Years had passed since then, we grow up into who we are. But somewhere over the years, our ways had parted, though not in a bad scenes but more of we have our own circle of friends, getting fewer communications and somewhat not much updated with how are they. Or maybe it's just me, Since I always see myself a bit older than them, that I started to let go of my childhood, preferring the company of books than the Child's game they were playing, Building a wall that have separated me from them.

            I know, somehow through the years, I've been a bit mature, even breaking the wall that separates me with other people. But with them, I can still feel the barrier preventing us being what we are before. I could be sorry or not for whatever actions I have done to them, of creating those walls around myself, but through the struggles I am facing every day, I just suddenly felt that I missed them.

         I know, it is too late to repair the separation we had now, that I might be the reason for those things. But maybe, one day in God's will, we will meet up once again. Talking and acting like how we used to be. All barriers forgotten and starting a new. Since I couldn't change what I have done in the past, the only thing I could do is to start a new and enjoy the silly things we might do once again, just like how we laugh at ourselves every time we will remember the Moon Argument :D
 
                                                                                                                               Kaye!

Fear

 
    Hey guys it's been awhile, how have you been. I've been quite weak this past few days and somewhat I found out the reason.

    Few days ago, I went to the doctor to have my check up since I'm suffering from Abdominal pain. At first, I didn't really mind it, because I was diagnosed with Acute Gastroenteritis when I was a College Sophomore. I just let it thinking it was the same. But due to my limiting absences at work I started thinking that I should visit the doctor to check on me.

    So I went to this clinic, at first the doctor is just asking me things and all and I didn't mind since I think it is still the same problem but when she asked me to have an Ultrasound test and I've read my Initial finding I started getting scared. So a few days after I went back to have my ultrasound.

    I got the result today, the result says that I have a polyps on my Gallbladder though it's benign, I'm still scared. I'm scared for the unknown, for what may happen to my health. My mom told me that I should take care of my body so the Polyps wouldn't cause much trouble in the future. And it is something that I should really do.

   Till next time, and I hope the next time I'll post something it would be a good news :D

Dread

        As I was in the office doing my work on this Monday morning, a dreaded feeling was engulfing my heart. It wasn't something new for me, but it was something I want and I'm dreaming all this time.

        It started almost two weeks ago, when I decided to submit my Application on a job opening. It was something I really wanted, and I'm hoping I'll be able to be given a chance to prove my worth and be hired (hopefully) for the position.

        And now, I'm still waiting for their phone call or any kind of communication to tell me about whether they will give me a chance for the position or when will I have my Exam. It is scary for me, As if the world had become scary and dark for me once again. I really want it, it is something that I really wanted to do. And now I am on some kind of limbo, being pessimistic and depressed once again.

        I really hope that I will be able to hear something from them soon, and till that time, I'll keep my faith and believe that I will be able to get it.

School Reports and Homeworks

 
                 A year pass since I graduated from my Bachelor's Degree in College, and now after days of leave, time and tears that I have sacrifice... I'm back to School.

                 Well, it was a decision made in rush which had brought me back to school. Because when the term started last June on our country, I'm still undecided on which School I'll continue my Masters Degree. But due to a certain reason (Since, we need to take an extra subject, that wasn't offer on my major, because our Law had required it, Our school offers the subject for us) I have applied to my Alma Mater and enter Graduate Schools. For now, I only have one subject and we're special class, but next semester, I'll continue with my Master's degree in Psychology.

                  And now, We'll be having our second meeting soon. And to top it all, Our Group will be reporting about our lesson for the next class. Will be the first group to do so. But still, it had been two weeks since I started reading my report but I haven't started doing it. And now, my old worries and fears are coming back. This is what happen, when you didn't prepare for your report.

                  Anyway, I still have few days, to prepare and study my report. And this time I really need to do it.

                  "It's time to hit the books again" It was my favorite praise before, and now I need to tell myself that it is time to hit and read the books again.

                   It's a Back to School for me once again :D

A Dream

                   I was on my way to City from my Hometown, but due to the lack of sleep last night I had fallen asleep. My sleep wasn't good and had a hard time because of my sleeping position.

                  But, even through my rough sleep, I remember I was dreaming. A dream that I never thought will come to me once again. It was a simple dream, which consist of me wearing my old College Uniform. It was an all white uniform and if I remember correctly I had a white jacket and my hair is clasp in a ponytail.

                 And somehow, It is my dream, my ambition. Something that I have been dreaming of. And because of this dream, the fire burning within had awaken once again :D

                Somehow, I have seen this as my urge to continua and pursue my dreams :D

                And I'm hoping for the best :D



                                                                                                                            Kaye :D

I can do this!

            Ironically, My Post for today is contradicting to what I am feeling right now.


             To be frank, I was on the verge of giving up of letting it go. This past few days, I have been on leave from my job to give way on my application for this certain subject I want to take this semester. But somehow, every leave that I will make for this one will be left in vain, either the activity (e.g. Application, Examination, enrollment) for that day will be canceled or move on a certain day.



           And today isn't an exception, I've file for leave once again to take the entrance examination and again it was canceled due to: 1.) The number of student who wants to take it is way shorter than the schools required number of applicant, and 2.) We do not have the required documents to enroll for the subject. Well, I can't blame the school, since this subject was not on their curriculum and their only giving way for us to take it, and their only complying on their rules as well. It's just I was on the verge of giving up of losing hope.



            But every time I'll think about it, that I'm doing something to reach my dreams, taking a few steps towards it and somehow I don't want to give up since it was something I really wanted.


            Well as my friend says, if you want to get something you need to sacrifice something for you to reach them, and on my case it's my work though I feel bad for my team mates because of my absence they were left to do somethings that I should be doing, but this is something I really want so do your best, because as our preacher said "if it is not for you, you wouldn't want to pursue it and you'll stop trying to reach it."


              So Don't lose hope, just do what you needs to do because in the end you will reach it :)


               I know there's always a rainbow after the rain :)

A Mother's Care :)

                 Just a few more left, I have been eating this fruit since I arrived at the office this morning, and guess where did I get it? It was from my mom in the province.

                 I'll tell you something about my relationship with my mom. Honestly, we don't understand each other that much, because our ideas clashes. She's somewhat old fashion in her child rearing and nurturing, while me, I'm a bit rebellious in terms of I'm more open-minded and independent(?) But, the fruit that you could see above is given to me by my mother, when I returned home from the city.

                 It was around midday, when I woke up yesterday, and I have the habit of raiding our fridge for food. Somewhat, I found few pieces of this fruit on my food hunt and I asked my mom if it still edible to be eaten. Since she knew I love that fruit, that I love to eat it that when she returned home around twilight yesterday from my Aunt's house, she brought me this fruit once again.

                 And I remember something, what Brother Jay of WFA told us on his preach last week, about our parents love for us. That even if we are adults, they will always wanted to show thy're love to us, through those small gestures and things, they will do on our behalf (something like that) Thanks mom! Thanks dad! for the love and care, even if we do not understand each other almost all the time, I just realize that through your small gestures, you're showing me how much you love me.

Crossroads

                  Hey guys! I'm sorry for being absent for a long time. Its been the same thing for me, depressing and unworthily. That somehow, I lost my interest to blog. Ok let me tell you the reason why I started this blog of mine.

                    Honestly, I created this blog to share my thoughts on you guys. To tell you, I'm not the type of person who loves crowd and attention. I'm the exact opposite, I prefer to be alone because being in a crowd exhaust me. I'm not fond of talking to people since I'm not a smooth talker and I think I bore people with my stories. I just want to be heard and to share the things I've learned from life, the lessons I've learned from my mistakes and my journey to my dreams. But somehow, things didn't work the way I have planned it. If you will looked back on my post this past few months, many things had changed. From the lively full of life and hope post that I had post before, it turned into something depressive and suicidal. To tell you, I was asking myself what had happened to me? Where's the old me? the one who's full of hope and excited for the things I will learn as I embark on another chapter of my life. WHy did I become like this? Why did I sound suicidal? The answer, I'm not happy. There will be times that I will asked myself if I am doing the right thing. I know this isn't what I want and I'm scared to do what I want because of what will the others say.

                  BUT! with the things I'm experiencing right now, I don't want to keep doing this thing if I'm half-hearted and I'm not happy. I want to pursue my dreams and I know it is not what I'm doing right now. I know there are things that I have to accomplished first before I pursue my dreams, but I know I'm nearing my crossroads.

                  God had shown me the way back to my dreams and what I need to do is to not hesitate and grabbed it. I know this way will be hard as well, it might be even harder but I just thought that if I will be upset and depressed of something, I think it would be better if I'm doing something I love and not something I'm not happy about. I want to feel the fulfillment I once felt when I'm doing something I really want.

                 After all once destiny is made up of the choices we created, I know I can make a difference and I'll attain my dreams :)

 That's all for now :)
 See you soon guys :)

                                                                                                                            Giekaye

Changes

Hey guys it's been awhile since the last time I made a post here. I've been busy with life :)

                    Well, I just want to greet you, and to tell you that I'm still here, though inactive due to personal matters :D Anyway, since my last update, It is still the same except, a few weeks ago, I attended a seminar regarding regarding Psychology. It was an invitation by my friend, they we're conducting the said seminar. At first, I was hesitant if I will or will not attend, seeing that it was scheduled conflicting my work schedule, nut then I have thought that if I will hesitate, I might loss a great opportunity, to think and to look for what I really want to do. And I'm glad I attended that seminar, it had awaken my desire to pursue my career, That was what I needed right now.

                    Also I met up with my friends, somehow it reminds me of who I am before I was succumb by my sadness, of my depression. It was an eye-opener experience for me. And as I have said, it ignited the fire in me to pursue what I want of what I am dreaming about. I still don't know what will happen to me in the future, but one thing I am sure is. I will returned to what I really want, to pursue my dreams, I know I CAN MAKE IT. There will be problems and such that I will face, but I wouldn't be scared, since I know SOMEONE'S guiding me on my dreams. ANd Yeah, I still feel depressed with work and I know in the coming days I'll be under a lot of stress once again, but I know I can do this right.

                     Oh Yeah! My mom told me to seriously look for a good school for my Masters, in which I feel happy. Sometimes I think my mom can only see me as someone who could help her financially, since we have a conflict regarding my dreams while I'm still on Job-hunting. She always force me to apply in works I don't know anything about, in which, I somehow lost the loyalty(?) I have for my mom. Eversince that time, I will consult my dad instead, I'll tell him everything regarding my Application status and such, and my dad was really supportive of what I want to do. He always tells me that "Parents shouldn't dictate their child on what they want to pursue, of what they want to study since it was their life." He also said that " We shouldn't force what we want for our child." So Yeah, I've been extra closer to my dad. But unexpectedly, my mom opened up the topic about my Masters, which made me think, that maybe she wants me to pursue my career as well :)

    Well then, till next time guys. I'll try updating again soon. I hope you guys are okay, SEE Yah!!!

 GieKaye

I Want to Give Up

It's been eons since my last post here. But still my feelings never change or to tell you frankly, It become worst. Supposedly this blog is where I want to share my everyday learning. But when I looked back on my previous post, from my happy, full of life post it became depressive and suicidal post. What happened to me? Maybe those things are my fault, but I don't know what to do anymore. Every time I will do something, I'll always felt that it's useless and full of mistakes. Sometimes, I can't help but to self-pity. Before, I think I could do this, that I'll be able to surpass this. Now I'm really losing hope, I felt like I'm getting more and more lost :(

Depression

I hate this feeling. Right now, I'm suffering from depression(well there's nothing nea about it). I don't whats happening to me anymore, as if I'm existing without a reason. For the past few months, like a lost child, I've been living my life without knowing the meaning of it. Sigh I hope this thing will be gone soon.

HA-Happy Day

It's Monday once again, did you enjoy your weekend?

I have a wonderful time with my friends last Saturday. We went to a certain cafe due to a favor our friend asked. But, we just ordered something and then returned home, cause they were busy.

The coffeeshop isn't really far from our place. But due to traffic, the 15 minutes ride had turned into an hour ride. Well, even if we got home late, we still enjoyed the ride. Remembering some of our funny and maybe(?) embarassing moments together.

If I'm alone, that long and surreal ride will put my patience to its limit. But, I'm glad my friends were there to share that long ride with me.






Ghiekaye ;)

Saturday at Work

Hey guys!! It's Saturday :-) I hope you're enjoying the weekend. It is the time where don't need to wake up early and enjoy it. Well for me, Saturday is a day at work. But its not as busy as the works we had on weekdays. . Well I'm not that stress when saturday come. Maybe because I'm on my freeday mode already that I could relax on this day Hahaha I'm really weird. Till next time guys I still have to do something:-) Back to Work!

HMMM...

It's been a while since I last post here.

I've been busy with real life.

I'm still adjusting with my work, I haven't got the hang of it.

It made me stressed and at the same time my depression got worst.

I hope I would be able to update this blGog this year with a lot of happy experoences.

See you soon!

Wishing you all the best!

GhieKaye